Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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