I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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