He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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