please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
