There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
