you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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