she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
