barbara walters just said penis...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
