Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
