If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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