Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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