Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
