life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
