i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
