THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
