my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
