tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
