All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
