if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
