do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
