well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
