chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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