Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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