i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
