I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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