If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
