Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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