Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
