Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
