i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
