I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All the doctor said was why
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
