dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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