First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
