I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
