How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
