the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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