I just threw up on my dentist
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
