started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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