Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
