I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
