it was like his penis was on wheels.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
