dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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