Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
