I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
