we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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