don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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