so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
