This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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