Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
its liver damage thursday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
