They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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