Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
